Sad to be Different

They say that differentiation is one way of ensuring adaptive ability. A new breed, regardless of its origins, remains to be a new breed capable of being tested through time. And being time, this new breed will have to see whether it will make it through or not.

I have confessed to being a [self-proclaimed] nonconformist. I take pride in saying that I go against the tide to show my backbone in the things I say and do. I particularly despise blind ubiquity, or conformism without context. Over and above, I go where angels fear to tread.

And I take pride in that.

But there are times when this going against the tide gets too tough. That people actually find that you are not making sense - or even, shutting out the world in front of you. That you are making a living hell out of your own life.

were actually meant to be your support system. As a Communication Major, I have learned the importance of being with your block. From first year up to the last semester of your second year, you will be with them one way or another. The greatest of these was during our second year days when we were classmates in almost all subjects (COM100, COM101, Psy101, Th121, Fil14). As my batchmate-turned-blockmate said in his Multiply blog, "We do projects together. We study together. We have fun together."

Commenting on his blog, for me, was an exercise of showing my affection to the people I have loved in the face of academic trials and emotional frictions. It is not easy getting along when you really have principles in mind. And when those principles run counter to popular belief, cognitive dissonance happens. And when cognitive dissonance happens, you really don't know where you're picking up from. It's either you risk violating your principles or you join the bandwagon.

And that's what I had to sacrifice in the name of my personal preferences.

It frustrates me, though, that my utmost sincerity (or so I think) is exchanged with a snicker, more so a statement of unbelief. I may have been the aloof and uncaring bastard of my block, but that doesn't mean I don't care. A human being is endowed with a heart, and the mere fact that I have one explains for itself. It makes me sad that my sincerity isn't paid back; but even if I go on and on raving about this, it just seems to spiral out of nowhere.

But don't get me wrong; I'm not the black sheep. I am the ghost... maybe.

When I appear, everything is fine. Nothing too grand, nothing too mundane. Maybe just right. But in some place, I secretly yearn to be in the clique that laughs with the majority, that has fun in the unthinkable places, that bonds (as they call it) in every way possible.

There's truth in the saying 'there's no place like home'. Often romanticized as 'there's no place like Comm,' the saying rings true to the people you have to love more than anything else. St. Augustine, for one, tried to find solace in every vice possible because nothing seemed to complete his life. It is only in finding God that he was able to come back - to the heart of what it means to be truly happy.

And so my sadness stems from my differentiation, my uniqueness, my lack of ubiquity. Just when you thought that being different is actually standing up for your principles, sometimes, it doesn't ring true at all.

One's social life is not dictated by what other people say. But getting along is something essential for human survival. If one doesn't know how to be one with other people, it will either place him on a pedestal or get thrown out of it.

So the question is, where am I going to start?